Culture Mush

Well it’s a new day and Obama is now our Presidential elect. If you notice the date, you’re probably wondering how I can say this, but I may or may not have used my time machine, because I couldn’t wait to see the final result. As did the majority of America, I “voted for change”. Now that Obama is going to be our President of the United States in 77 days, I’d like to let you all (all 2 of my readers) know what change I will personally be in for now that the person I voted for has won the first time since I’ve been of voting age.

The first thing I’ll be noticing is that with the Obama’s victory comes smaller cell phone bills. I know, this wasn’t a campaign promise but this is an additional bonus. You might be wondering how this win will bring me a smaller phone bill, but it’s quite simple actually. Now that Obama has won, I’ll be getting fewer calls from the Republican camp trying to convince me that Obama is a baby killer, a Muslim extremist, and a person that doesn’t floss right. I will also have less college students calling me to tell me that a vote for McCain means that my indoor plumbing will overflow with toxic sludge. Yes, this was an actual threat and yes, I voted for Obama because the Toxic Avenger freaks me out.

The next think that will change is that I’ll actually have to take my dog outside to urinate. For the last 2 months, I’ve had enough Republican propaganda in my mailbox to cover my entire floor with glossy political pee pads. I’ll admit that I’ve fallen a few times due to the slick surfaces of the flyers, but it’s worth a few bruises to save a few bucks in pet store pee pad purchases.

One of the biggest changes is that I’ll be transitioning from the offensive in arguments with Republican pals to the defensive. I will be starting this transition in 3 days, as most people aren’t aware that the elected official isn’t actually in any position to oversee the country for 77 days. In 3 days, this country will still be in a world of shit, and many of the ignorant will say “See! I told you Obama wouldn’t change anything for the better!”. It was more fun when I could be on the attack. Maybe I’ll just tell people I voted for Pauly Shore, and I can avoid confrontation all together.

The change that hits me the hardest is that my favorite shirt is going to have to be retired. It is the “Punk Voter” shirt featuring Dubya with the words “Not My President” beneath it. It elicited dirty looks from senior citizens and rednecks, thumbs up from radicals and twenty somethings, and I always feel like a more defiant version of myself. When I wear it, I feel like a rebel and I generally live more on the edge than usual…Ordering a Sex on the beach at the bar instead of a ginger ale. Since I only have 77 days until my shirt is irrelevant, I’m going to get my $15 worth and wear it daily. If that gives me no time to wash it, so be it. It’ll stink as much as these last 4 years have, and Bush supporters around me will experience what I’ve had to put up with for the last 8 years.

Thanks for voting everybody and remember…Change is coming. Maybe a lot of the policies will remain unchanged, but at least we won’t have to see clips of Palin and McCain on SNL every week and the show will fade back into the late night cave without those obnoxious Thursday night episodes.